I am exceptionally hungry for change and particularly dissatisfied with the route I have chosen to achieve gratification. It is complicated figuring out what to do with an existence filled with possibilities that are almost infinite. There is so much promise in the world and a person with such potential normally would not have such difficulty deciding a path to self-reassurance; yet, as time moves forward and the future rapidly shifts into the present and becomes the past, my appetite for more increases at a disquieting rate. I ravenously seek knowledge, new people, culture, beauty, and above all else, contentment. The Earth envelops countless things to be experienced. To continue as I am, to be comfortable in this condition, is the most dreary of thoughts to be had. For so long, dread of the unknown is what kept my mentality in a state of ease and justified a need for normality. Now, fear is an unwarrantable excuse and the sole impediment of the sense of fulfillment that is ambitiously being pursued. The spice of life that I have subjected myself to has been proven averagely bland, and, I reckon, perhaps it is time to disregard apprehension of the unfamiliar and nourish the yearnings within. I am starved for something extraordinary. It is as though a famine has taken place in my mind. I desperately need to venture out; my enthusiasm depends on it.
 
Give me a few months to make adjustments.
 
 
 
 
I almost forgot about this site…they finally blocked it at my job. *smdh*
 
 
 
I went to Los Angeles with my boyfriend on July 4 weekend (oh yea, I have one of those now. Don’t think I’ve blogged about A.J. before…we’ve been together since April/May.). It was awesome. I have pix but I will post them when I have more time. He is actually the reason I’ve been thinking so much lately about my future. I think for the most part I’ve made up my mind and will move to Cali if we are still together come 2010. For so long I’ve been afraid to commit and I’ve put off starting a family of my own; now, I feel like I’m watching life instead of living it. The realization is helping me to put things into perspective. Maybe in a couple of yrs, AJ and I might mot to his native Thailand where most of his family is. We’ve talked about it…who knows. All I’m certain of is that I want to see the world and I want a family and we’re taking one step at a time. First things first, make it to 2010!! Haha.
 
Photos coming soon. I’m out!!

I'm still here. Just have so much going on right now that I haven't had time to xanga. I'm sorting through some things and making quite a few changes, one of which includes moving out of my townhome in N. Dallas to an apt near Carrollton. I've encountered a potentially dangerous situation and have no other choice. It makes me sad though. I've lived in the same place for seven years and have invested a lot of time and money into making it my home. Now, I have to rent or sell it. *smh*

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On 2/23 my car was broken into. They ransacked my glove compartment, took my fave Mavs jacket out of my trunk, and stole my cd's from the center console. Technically the only thing of value was the jacket because the stack of about 30 cd's were all burned copies (except Sheryl Crow's Greatest Hits that I'd recently purchased...and LOVED). This person was either really desperate or a crackhead or BOTH. I had some pennies that had been accumulating at the bottom of the console. By this time, there was possibly about .65 worth. Do you know this a$$hole scraped the bottom of the console and took all but 7 of those pennies?  My window was not broken so the person(s) clearly used a jimmy or some other device to get in and out. All I could think was, " A crackhead w/ a jimmy!! Bad combination!"

2/28 my car was broken into AGAIN.  Twice in the same week, are you serious?! This time my window was busted out but what made me more p!ssed off was there was nothing that could be taken! It was a complete and total waste of their time and my money. At first I was angry thinking son of a B!TCH must PAY!!!  Then I cried. My neighbors said they'd been having the same problem. Upon hearing that, I became a little afraid. So I go to check my mailbox which is conjoined w/ the wash room. As I'm leaving the room with my magazines and letters, I glance over towards the washers and dryers and I'll be d@mned if they weren't ALL pried open so that someone could steal the change out of them! I've never seen anything like that in my life. It was like the room was used for a scene in the Incredible Hulk, and BOY was he mad!! As I walked out of the room I realized the locks on the door hadn't been tampered with (a key is required to get into that building) which means its a RESIDENT!! It was at this moment that I became so frightened that on the spot I decided to move. My thought process was that if they were breaking into cars freely and into the wash room, pretty soon homes will be next. I'm only 5'3" 135lbs. I live alone and have no gun (but I guarantee I will be getting one soon) and although I can fight, what damage can I do to a man three times my size, honestly?

So I am thinking about my safety rather than my material possessions. I've been staying at my sister's waaaaaay out in Wylie since then and my apt will be ready on April 1. Now I have mtg AND rent to pay for a while (luckily I had a nice stash saved for a rainy day).

In better news, I'm getting excited about the move. (Actually, the anxiety is bugging the h3ll out of me.) It's like a fresh new start and I'm trying to embrace it with enthusiasm so I've been searching for little knick knack stuff to decorate. Of course all of this is done online b/c I despise shopping w/ a passion. I wish I had a personal shopper to do all of the work for me. I've already boxed up my most prized possession - my dvd collection. I didn't want to take the chance of someone stealing those. My sister thought it was hilarious b/c I still haven't gotten my tv's or clothes or game systems from the house. If you really want to see my bad side, the best way is to f*ck w/ my movies. I never realized how many I actually had until now; it took three large storage boxes to get them all packaged away.

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Travel news:

My parents asked demanded me to fly home for Easter. I could never disobey them, but I can't make it until the following weekend b/c of all of this moving bullsh!t. My other traveling siblings decided to cut me some slack and everyone decided to meet up at my convenience the weekend of the 17th which is the week after Easter. YAY! It will be the first time in years that my entire immediate family will be together all at one time.

With my trip to Vegas postponed until the fall for various and obvious reasons (such as the move, HEAT, Easter vacation, etc.), I decided I still need a real vacation so I'm meeting my older sis and her two kids (they all recently moved to Virginia) in Orlando Memorial day WEEK for a Disney fun vacation. The plane tickets and hopper passes have already been purchased and I'm ecstatic. I havent' been to Disney World in 15 yrs and I'm going to act like a straight 27yr old KID.

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You know I couldn't leave without adding the latest reviews. I try not to divulge too much info on these b/c I don't want to ruin it for anyone who may have not yet seen them:

This one was pretty funny. The cast was great although my only regret was that comediens Bobby Lee and Dr. Ken didn't have larger and funnier roles. These guys are quite amusing in their stand-up routines and I expected a bit much from them in this movie, much to my dismay. It was also a tad more violent than I expected, which was great.  James Franco was sexy as usual but in a dirty, base-head sorta way. Overall, I liked it.

 

Now this was pretty freaky. Who'da thought mirrors could commit such outlandish and gory acts? I watched it late one night in the dark, had to pee when it was over, and was slightly hesitant to go to the restroom for fear of what my reflection might do to me.  Not really, but I'm sure it had that affect on others. It had its VERY slow moments but I thought the way it ended was BALLER!! Not Keifer Sutherland or Paula Patton's best roles but it wasn't a total sham.

 

 I GOTTA add this to my collection along w/ all of the other Seth Rogen films (including the one mentioned above). This guy is almost on Will Ferrell status w/ him coming in behind Will merely b/c he hasn't been around as long. Seth is immature, has a dirty mind and makes the funniest d!ckhead comments, but I love him anyway. His co-star, Elizabeth Banks, has never been one of my favorites but my-my she did an exceptionally good job with this one. Jason Mewes (Clerks II and Jay and Silent Bob) was his perverted normal self, but this time with a make-over. Yes, terrific cast; but back to the motion picture. Under NO circumstances are you to allow your mother or your children watch this movie as it is not family friendly at all. Is it b/c of the harsh language or the $3X scenes? Probably both! Hence the title, this is an ADULT film...but an uproariously comical one.

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I'm out!! Peace and blessings people. Peace and blessings.

I went home this past weekend and normally when I travel I blog about what happened and post pictures. I have been hesitant to write about this trip because the portion of the weekend that should have been the most fun was actually the worse part. It rained the majority of the weekend and stopped only enough for the two Mardi Gras parades I went to on Sunday (not like the rain would have caused a cancellation of MG...even Hurricane Katrina couldnt). Mardi Gras is fun, no lie. You see a lot of weird and crazy things. I had not been to a parade in almost twelve years and this year with racial tensions so high, MG was a complete disappointment for me:

The Krewes are STILL segregated. Remember I said I went to two parades on Sunday? Well, first there was the "white" parade, and the "black" parade followed approx. 2 hrs later. Literally, that is what they're called. There is not a single person of the other race in either of those parades. There was one float in particular with a very disrespectful krewe. Picture this: the crowd is a mixture of people of different races and shapes and sizes all just having a good time, trying to catch the best stuff. Well this particular krewe was singling out the white people in the crowd and handing them the items; they were also chucking mounds of beads at the black people in the street. Seriously, they were throwing to HURT, heaving cups and beads and other solid items as if they were in a diamond trying to get a 95mph pitch over the plate. I was out there with my sister and three of my brothers, one of whom had his wife and three small children along. My brother was holding his 1 & 1/2 yr old son, Jeremiah, the majority of the parade but wanted to get him a football towards the end. So he puts Miah down and as soon as he stands up straight, SMACK...and BAG full of beads is hurled into his shoulder. He looks up to the float and made eye contact w/ the guy who did it. This dude looks at my brother and points and LAUGHS and calls his friend over (his friend was on the other side of the float) who also bursts into laughter as well. Then the friend lobs another bag of beads right into the chest of another dude a few feet from us. They are just rolling with amusement at this point. Then they each take a stuffed animal and place them in the hands of a man and his daughter (I dont think I need to say what race they were).

Next, one of the pageant trucks passed. These trucks consist of debutantes and little girls that have entered and won pageants all over the state. The women and girls are all dressed up in formal wear and have on their make-up and crowns and sashes and wave to the crowd and hand out flowers and pearls. On this particular truck was a little girl, couldn't be more than 6 years old, handing out pink plastic roses. I was holding my two yr old niece and she asked me to get her a flower so I walked up to the truck and the little girl holds the rose towards me. Her mother (who was sitting across from her) tells her, "NO, don't give that to her, give it to your OWN kind." Immediately the little girl snatches the rose back and looks away from me...and the truck continues to roll on by. After I picked my bottom jaw up from the concrete, I turned around to see everyone behind me in a complete state of rage and disgust. It was the most embarrassing, humiliating, and hurtful experience I've had in about ten years. I haven't felt that way since I left Thibodaux after graduation.

Since I have moved away from there and been able to meet so many different people from different walks of life, I have been able to grow and mature from a hateful mentality. I have grown to learn to love people regardless of stature, race, religion, and lifestyle. I've learned to accept people for who they are. I am not a product of the negative environment that I was subject to. I am actually proud of myself for calming down the crowd of people behind me when the little girl insulted me the other day. I was glad that my brother respects my opinion enough to just shake off the dude purposely busting him in the shoulder with the cluster of beads. If that would have been me ten years ago, I'da snatched that whole bouquet out of that little girl's hand and I probably would have let the crowd mob and throw stuff back at those guys on that float.

I'm glad I've changed. I'm glad I got away. I am most proud that so many people are not quite so full of bigotry any more. But what really gets under my skin is when people try to pretend that this country does not have a race problem. I get angry when people turn a blind eye in hopes that it will just go away or disappear. I truly get offended when people try to tell me that I should just forget and move on. The best way to fix a problem is to face it head on and if we simply cover it up as if it never happened the wound will remain sore and fester and get infected and then we'll have a much bigger problem on our hands. I would like to sit here and say that the country is changing but in some places, it's NOT!!

Despite how hectic my schedule sometimes becomes, I still try to be as flexible as possible w/ my second/part-time job. This is mainly due to the fact that I have been and will continue to be traveling quite a bit and never know when I will need someone to cover for me. Of course, when I take my trips, I SCHEDULE off so as to not have the problem of needing to call in.

Lately, a couple of the girls there have been asking me to take their shifts quite a bit. I was supposed to be off Friday night and Saturday night, only to work during the day on Sunday. Obviously my manager was trying to give me a break since I work seven days a week, sometimes 13 hour days (factoring in my regular gig). Yesterday (Thursday) afternoon Kirsten calls and asks that I cover two hours of her shift tonight. She explained the reason, and it was legit so I agreed to help her out. No big deal. Not even an hour later, Kim (Yes I'm using real names b/c I don't give a F*CK!) calls and asks if I could cover her 1pm-6:15pm shift on Saturday so she could go out of town w/ her boyfriend. Aight, cool. I'll do it since I'm off Friday through Monday next week from both jobs.

I've been house-sitting/babysitting all week for a friend that needed to go out of town. My dog is at home alone all day and I can't and won't NOT check on him. He's my baby. Thursday night I knew I was getting off really late so I got the bright idea that maybe instead of going home after work to check on Coffe, I can stop over at the crib between jobs (round 5:30ish) since I only live 15 min away.  So I call Kim to explain the situation and ask if she could work an extra 30 min for me so I can take care of that little bit of business, after all, it's only a half hour versus the 5 hours I'm making up for her. This sorry a$$ trollop says NO and asks why I can't take care of Coffe when I get off that night. Then proceeds to talking w/ a fake HOARSE voice as if she is sick and really needs to go home. I cussed her out in four different languages in my head, but I kept my cool and said, "aight then, don't worry about it. I'll be there at 5."

It was an attempt to get some rest on my part. Getting home late last night was not a huge deal to me before because I knew I would make up for it by sleeping in on Saturday. Since I took the extra shift, I knew I would be exhausted. I'm doing her a favor so she can go galavanting around but she pulled the "sick" card on me. Little did she know, my head was SMOKING!!!! I wanted to be dirty and not show up on Saturday, thus getting her in a world of doo-doo but I'm better than that and a woman of my word. Besides, she will mos def need me again. I GUARANTEE, I will never take her shift ever again. And that's on everything.

People wonder why I'm picky about who I kick it w/ and have an extremely exclusive set of friends that I take care of and vice versa. I can't stand it when folks try to misuse and abuse my kindness. It's the easiest way to get CUT-OFF!!   B!tch.

I know, I know. I talk about dating quite a bit these days. Honestly though, how can I not after being single for 2 ½ yrs, constantly having people asking about your status and WHY, and being surrounded the greater part of every day by men who are attractive or attracted?

 

Today one of my guy friends asked me, “if you had to choose between being with someone you love but they don't love you or being with someone that loves you but you don't love them...which would you choose?” WTF? I don’t think either situation is better than the other. Someone gets hurt or is dissatisfied in both scenarios and if you ask me, that’s not love at all. As far as loving a person and not having those emotions reciprocated, I’ve been there and done that. I truthfully think that I am single right now because I could never do that to anyone.

 

No doubt, there are options and nice prospects and men that wish to be possibilities. Then, there are those that I’ve actually considered but have placed in a holding cell between “friend zone” and “emotionally preferred”. These guys make up the “moderately desired” group in my phone book and even have their own ringtone, “Remind Me” by Royksopp (you are officially tha SH!T if you know and like this song). Then there are the guys who know too much. Either they are fine as h3ll or THINK they are…that’s my lame group on the “Do Not Answer” list. But, I digress.

 

I don’t want to play games anymore. I’m too old for that now. I can’t juggle several hearts at a time, h3ll I can’t juggle period so somebody’s sh!t would definitely land on the floor if I tried. I want to be sure about him and I want him to be sure of me. If we are not BOTH happy with each other, then that defeats the purpose of being together. That is beneath me and it took a previous experience for me to realize it, although I’m glad I did. I’d much rather wait for Mr. Right than waste time and emotion on Mr. Right Now. Frankly, I am pretty satisfied with my life the way it is and can sincerely say that I am happier at this point in my life than I ever was in my past relationships. I have a ton of people who adore me and I am having fun and enjoying the fruits of my labor. What else could I ask for, someone to share this joy with? He’ll come along soon enough.

 

So to answer the question: NO, I will not and can not settle. Could YOU?!!

 

 

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Ok so I am a fan of The Mummy trilogy and of course The Rock is my boo, so that made Scorpion King worth the watch. I don’t know where the h3ll they came up w/ THIS bull!! I wasn’t even mildly entertained with this thrown together prequel. I’d much rather had been watching Clash of the Titans circa 1981. *smdh*

 

 

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I enjoyed this movie from beginning to end. Just when I thought I had it figured out, here come the twists in the plot. When I thought it would start to bore me, another exciting car chase/action scene. Two thumbs up. Is it just me or is Shia Leboeuf getting hotter with each movie? I mean he has come a long way from “Even Stevens” on Disney. In addition, he’s done quite well and has shown that he is a versatile actor. In the beginning he was known for his goofy sense of humor but has branched out into action, thriller, and drama genres with theatrical features such as the latest Indiana Jones, Disturbia, and Transformers. Kudos to him.

My New Year didn’t get off to the start I’d hoped. Of course for the most part, I had an AWESOME vacation in Shreveport. We had our party…I met new people which is odd b/c I thought after so many  years that I’d already been acquainted w/ everyone in our “PortCity” clique. We also hung out at BoomTown Casino for Karaoke night. It was fun…blah blah blah. My ex was there…here begins the possible b!tchy portion of this blog…and everything was all good, at first.

 

*a little history lesson* We have nine years of history and dating, my ex and I. Matter of fact, I met all of my close friends in Shreveport through him. We were friends for a year. Dated my Soph year (his Junior yr) and continued an off again, on again dating ritual due to his athletic schedule, long distance and his changing schools, and later my moving to Dallas and he to Houston. He’s been friend zoned for about 3 & ½ yrs now w/ maybe 1 or 2 affairs here and there when my last relationship ended about 2 yrs ago. Up until New Year 09, we hadn’t physically seen each other for over a year (Nov. 07) although we kept in contact via phone, myspace, etc. Secretly he has been the one I have measured everyone else against, my prototype. Honestly, if ever I was to marry someone, it would have been him. *end history portion*

 

So we’re all (like 25 of us) kickin it at karaoke (naturally, I was on the pool tables) and he pulls me off to the side after quite a bit more than several drinks and a few hours of acting like a complete a$$ on stage and the dance floor. He confesses his ongoing undying love for me and asks what he needs to do to be w/ me. WTF?! So I’m flattered and my heart feels like a bull-frog on fire and the butterflies in my tummy are trying to escape. I mean, talk about totally caught off-guard. All I could do was look at him in amazement b/c I had no idea what to say. I was a little tipsy but even when I’m not in my right mind, I’m still an obsessive control freak and what he was saying just did not compute. Well, it made sense to me but I wasn’t sure of MY emotions so I attempted to be cautious. Inebriated or not, I will not express feelings that I don’t know for sure are there. I don’t play w/ people’s emotions. So I didn’t really give a response but rather a hug and a few kind words, kinda like a “we’ll see” sorta thing. So he spent the rest of the week w/ me and we hung out and reminisced and I visited his mom and we just enjoyed each other’s company. Since I left Shreveport, I have not heard anything from him, not a text or email or phone call. Later, I found out it’s b/c he felt like he put himself out there and I blew him off. That’s not EVEN the case.

 

So now, I guess he has taken back what he said. LOL. OK, it’s not funny…but it is. Maybe I just sabotaged myself. Maybe I should’ve just said what he wanted to hear only to break his heart later?!! Of course I care about him. I LOVE him, always have/will but I need to look out for myself and one way to ensure that I don’t get hurt is to be careful who I let in, how and why. F*ck that. I aint rushing into SH!T!!!! If you really want to be w/ me, then you would be willing to show and prove and wait, ESPECIALLY being that you know me so well. Come on now. Oh well, I guess he’s “the one”…that got away. *shrugs shoulders* I’m being all nonchalant about it but it really is f*cking w/ my head right now. He really isn’t talking to me!!! I don’t want to lose my friend…not like this. *sigh* MEN!! Or should I say ME!! (I really don’t know who’s to blame for this one.)

 

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My first real trip of the year begins this Thursday. My best friend and I are going to Philly and New York. I’m still trying to figure out how I let her talk me into going out there in the middle of January. *smdh* Great job, D. It’s gonna be a nice change of scenery though and hopefully will help take my mind off some things.

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My birthday is next Thursday (27). I don’t know what it is about my birthday that I hate, but every year around this time I want to crawl up under a rock and stay there until Mardi Gras. Maybe b/c my birthday always sucks and I’m always single and I’m starting to feel like I really am getting old. So for the umpteenth year in a row, I have no plans for “the big day”. UGH!!! I guess I need to think positive and thank GOD that I have made it another year. Besides, I really do feel like this year will be a good one. I have a lot of things planned that I am actually looking forward to.